to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest)

a TMA fanfic

Chapter 6: June 2014

Content Warnings:

Smoking, littering, mention of seduction, mention of danger

“There he is,” Melanie announces, her shoulders relaxing as she spots someone coming towards them. “Better get rid of that thing before he makes you eat it.”

“He worries too much,” Gerard grumbles, but he flicks the cigarette over the rail and watches it tumble into the Thames, then turns and gives a crooked grin to the approaching figure.

“Sorry, there was a mad rush to return books right at the end of the day, and I had to make sure everything was buttoned up before I could leave.” Martin holds out his arms to Melanie for a hug, which she accepts fiercely, then turns to offer a hug to Gerard as well. Gerard can be iffy about physical contact at times, especially these days, but Martin is a world-class hugger and he’s meant comfort for almost twenty years, so he takes it with gratitude. A lot of the tension of the last few weeks seeps out of him, even as Martin says, sounding exasperated, “Those things will kill you, you know.”

“They’ll have to stand in line.” Gerard doesn’t bother pretending he doesn’t know what Martin is talking about, but he also doesn’t linger on the subject. He pulls back from the hug and adds, “Anything we need to keep an eye out for?”

“Nah, nothing new,” Martin replies, running a hand through his hair and leaning on the railing beside Gerard. Out of habit, they leave enough space for Melanie to—as she always does—wedge herself between them. Her excuse that she’s shorter than both of them and they can talk over her is good enough they all pretend to believe it’s the only reason she likes being in the middle. “That guy from Research—um, Tim, I think his name is? He asked when he was dropping off some books today if we had anything new on Smirke, but we were too busy to talk really and I didn’t get a chance to find out if it’s something they’re looking into down there or if it’s a personal project. I do know he’s read everything else the library’s got on him.”

Gerard turns the thought over in his mind for a moment, examining it from all angles. “I can maybe try to sound him out. Show up at closing time one day, you point him out to me. Think he’d go for the goth types?”

Martin raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you threatening to seduce information out of my coworker?”

“What, you don’t think I could pull off a honeypot mission?”

“You’d get lost halfway through,” Melanie interjects. “You’d either get bored or get invested. Anyway, who’s to say he’s into blokes?”

“I mean, he was wearing an earring with the bi pride flag, but…” Martin gestures vaguely. “Fine. If you want to give it a shot, you’d probably have better luck with him than I would, because trust me, when you see him, you will realize that he is way out of my league. I can try and get Diana to let me out a little early on Monday so I can point him out to you when he leaves.”

Gerard winces. “Uh, about that.”

Melanie’s exasperated sigh is loud enough to echo off the river. “Don’t tell me you’re going out of town again already. You just got back!”

“I—I actually wasn’t supposed to come back yet, but I had to. I needed to see you two before we go on this next bit.”

Worry shines in Martin’s eyes. “Gerry, this woman you’re working with…she sounds dangerous. If she’s dragging you all over the world without—”

“It’s not like that,” Gerard interrupts. “I-I mean…she is dangerous, but not to me.” At least, he amends in the privacy of his own mind, not deliberately. There are rumors, sure, and he doesn’t doubt for a minute she’ll sacrifice him in a heartbeat if she needs to, but it’s not quite like working for his mother. “It’s…there’s something going on. Something big. She can’t do it alone, and I’m what she’s got.”

“Anything we can help with here?”

Probably, is the answer, but Gerard is reluctant to bring them into it. No, not reluctant—afraid. Martin will do anything to protect the people he cares about, even put himself in danger and offer himself up as a sacrifice of some kind, and the days of Melanie getting into fistfights with people who looked at her or one of her brothers funny on the daily aren’t that far behind them. If he tells them about the Dance now, before they know how to stop it, they’ll throw themselves into researching it. And while Martin might have the good sense to not go poking around somewhere the Stranger might be accumulating power—might being the operative term—Melanie will absolutely stick her nose in something she shouldn’t, paint a big old target on herself, and end up getting used in the Unknowing. Gerard cannot, will not risk them. Not when everything he’s done in the last two years has been about keeping them safe.

“I don’t know,” he says at last. “Maybe. Let me see what we can do, and if we need you, I’ll be in touch.”

Melanie frowns up at him. “Okay, but what is it you’re working on?”

“I’ll tell you when I get back.”

Gerard.”

“I know! I know, okay? It’s just…trust me. Please trust me.” Gerard takes a deep breath. “I swear on my father’s grave. The minute I get back, I’ll tell you both everything. Who I’m working with, what we’re doing. All of it. But for now, I need you guys to just…trust me. Let me do this.”

Martin presses his lips together tightly and looks out over the Thames. Gerard follows his gaze, even though he knows Martin isn’t actually looking at anything. He feels miserable.

This is it, he tells himself. Really it. He’ll help her with this, but once this is over, once they’re back in-country, he’s done. He’s not going on any more jaunts around the world, not getting involved in anyone else’s fight. Or at least not alone. He’s earned a rest, damn it, earned the chance to spend more than a couple of days in one place, more than just a few stolen moments and hurried meetings with the people he loves. He deserves the chance to play the skeptic for Melanie’s show, to embarrass Martin by flirting outrageously with his coworkers, to read a fucking book without worrying if it’s going to kill him or someone is going to kill him for it.

He wants to be home.

“I’ll be home by Christmas,” he says at last.

Melanie gives him a practiced side-eye. “You get how that’s not a comforting phrase, right?”

Martin whistles a couple bars of “Pack Up Your Troubles in Your Old Kit-Bag,” which does at least make Gerard smile, if a bit reluctantly. “Look, tell you what. If it doesn’t look like I’ll be home by…let’s say your birthday, Neenie? If I won’t be back by then, I’ll send for both of you. Wherever I am, I’ll get a couple tickets out there, and you two can come out and meet us. I’m not spending Christmas without you, whatever else is going on. I don’t care what she has to say. She gets six months out of me and then…and then I want my family back.”

Melanie punches him in the arm harder than necessary, then hugs him fiercely. “You damned well better be careful, Ger. I mean it. I don’t want you as a subject on my show.”

“Not my goal.” Gerard hugs her back and reaches for Martin, who comes over and completes the circle.

“When do you leave?” Martin’s voice is soft and resigned.

“Whenever the next plane leaves for New Zealand. I’ve got time for dinner first, I think.” Gerard pulls back, but without letting go of the other two. “C’mon. Let’s go.”